7 min read (1580 words)

Introduction

For many women, the menstrual cycle is a taboo subject. Some feel ashamed of it, some actively dislike it, and some feel indifferent toward it. From a young age, we’re taught that PMS is a normal part of our life and that Periods = Pain. To varying degrees, this results in psychological and physical stress which feeds back into the PMS loop. All of this subtly perpetuates the narrative that there is something inherently wrong with us, growing up thinking we’re broken. This is an untrue narrative and toxic for our psyche!

Tracking your cycle can help you to understand your cyclical nature, and deeply feel the intelligence of your body. Hearing other women speak of their cycle in a more positive way and learning new vocabulary to express your experience can help you change your perspective and experience of your cycle. I managed to step away from Periods = Pain and moved into the new narrative of Menstrual Cycle = Magic. I pray my words will help you to feel inspired that in time, you too could do the same.

Leading up to cycle awareness

At the age of 18, I started taking The Pill for contraceptive reasons and remained on it until I was 32. Only after coming off The Pill did I start to experience what it was like to have a natural cycle. After two years of being pill free, I had been experiencing extreme highs and lows. To the point where I thought I may be suffering from Bipolar Disorder. In one moment I would be certain about the direction of my life and would be making plans for the future. In the next moment, I would be in a heap on the floor feeling depressed and stuck in the past. Even though I was travelling and creating a life I actually wanted to live, it was a very confusing and stressful time. These extreme moods would seemingly happen out of nowhere which was even more disconcerting.

I shared this with my family and talking honestly about my feelings was helpful for me to make sense of it more. While they acknowledged that I did have very high highs and very low lows, none of them felt that I presented as Bipolar. This helped me to see that this may not be the right diagnosis for what I was going through. I had always felt deeply and put the extremes down to me being a sensitive and empathetic person. Accepting that these extremes were just a part of my personality, I decided to lean on all the resources I had acquired over the years. When those moments of struggle would appear, I would have a myriad of tools to help me cope.

Cycle awareness, where have you been all my life?

Upon attending a Yoga workshop with Bex Tyrer, I was introduced to menstrual cycle awareness. Within minutes of Bex talking about the two different energies that lay in our cycle, it was as if an internal light switch had turned on. Listening to her speak of each season felt like she was explaining to the letter how I had been experiencing life. Tears formed in my eyes and Bex instantly saw that her words resonated with me and she gave me the most sincere and heartfelt look and said ‘I know”.

I started to track my cycle and began learning everything I could about my body to help me understand my cycle more. Within three months of writing my daily observations, I identified very clear patterns month after month after month. My extreme highs and lows coincided with the rising and falling energy of the two parts of my cycle. Initially I was shocked because I honestly never thought that my cycle affected me in any way. Then a wave of relief ensued because I could finally make sense of what was happening to me. 

I knew I was being called to dive deeper into my cycle to understand the root cause of why these extremes were happening. Realising that the lifestyle I was living was a non cyclical one as I was working against my inner nature rather than in alignment with it. I began to take more rest each day, especially during my bleed which allowed me to focus on myself more than on others. As I started to go inward more, the extreme lows began to loosen their grip.  was given the opportunity to sit with these challenging feelings when they arose. 

My inner critic is my greatest ally

I soon came to learn more about my ‘Inner Critic’. As it sounds, our Inner Critic is the voice within us that criticises who we are and what we do. For most women, it appears during our inner autumn – the week or so before we bleed. Once I started acknowledging my inner critic and giving her space to express herself, I soon heard the underlying message she had for me. The message was that I wasn’t living my soul’s purpose which was negatively affecting both of us. Her words resonated with me as I knew that I wasn’t being the full expression of my soul. A passion of mine had always been empowering myself and others to take control of their lives. But I wasn’t fulfilling this passion to the extent that I really wanted to. 

Over the months, as my self care increased, I began listening to my inner critic when she would come to me. I used to ignore her, allowing her words to build up inside which caused my extreme lows. Now, I took her feedback on board and started using her as my inner mentor to help guide me back to my truth. Not only did this change my experience of those extreme lows, but it rippled into the rest of my life. So much so, that other women started to comment on the change in me and asked me to share what I had been doing. It was through my sharing of menstrual cycle awareness that others wanted to learn from me which led me to apply for the Menstruality Leadership Programme with the Red School in 2020.

Menstruality Leadership Programme

When I initially applied for the Menstruality Leadership Programme, I was placed on a waiting list as they were full. Thinking it was too late to join, I put the idea out of my head. But as divine timing would have it, there was a last minute cancellation and I was offered a spot on the programme one week before it started. I spent the whole of 2020 working intimately with my cycle. I started to understand myself on the deepest of levels and to learn how to best support other women during their cycle journey. 

It’s been a journey of revelations, recognition and reverence and the practice called me to face myself in a way that I had never done before. I took responsibility for my healing and subsequent growth and expansion. This is why I’m able to share and guide others in the way that I do. Teaching, sharing knowledge and wisdom has been in my being since birth. But due to fear of not being good enough and being too much, I played small for much of my life. Not any more! 

Where I am now

As of today – October 2020 – marks 12 months of tracking my menstrual cycle and also the end of the Menstruality Leadership Programme. In our closing circle, Alexandra asked us ‘What are you feeling right now?’ Closing my eyes, I dropped into my body to feel and listen. The word that came to me was peace. Finally at peace. Not just today, during my inner summer, but at any time during my cycle. Even when I’ve not practiced enough self care and my inner critic has reared her head, I now know that she’s passing me a message. If I’m not being authentic to my Soul, she will let me know about it! 

My cycle of transformation

Having transformed my extreme highs and lows into a more stable energy, I wanted to show others that this is entirely possible for you to achieve too. Days 18, 19, 20 and 21 were the days that would reduce me to that heap on my bedroom floor each and every cycle. Comparing 12 months of tracking shows what we can achieve when we accept and love our menstrual cycle and believe that magic can lie within it.

My inner critic is always there. Always waiting to pull me back into line if I’m not living in alignment with my truth. But the difference between now and before tracking, is the way in which she presents herself to me. No longer does she scream at me to get my attention. Now, she speaks to me with a kind, yet firm tone, helping me to refine my life. She’s my own inbuilt life coach whom I would never want to leave my side. I no longer subscribe to the narrative Period = Pain. I pray that once women understand menstruality and menstrual cycle awareness, they too can experience their Menstrual Cycle as Magic.